


Can't Escape The Way I Love You

by Discount_Friend



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Bad Ending, Drama & Romance, Fanfiction, Heavy Angst, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Romance, Sad, Sad Ending, Songfic, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 01:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19879153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Discount_Friend/pseuds/Discount_Friend
Summary: Aziraphale is being called back up to heaven. Saying Goodbye to Crowley was the hardest thing he'll ever have to do.





	1. Melting

_**you are my church, you are my place of worship** _

_**i heard you're the plug, can I be the circuit?** _

Was it ridiculous? Yes. It was. But when was Crowley anything but?

"I don't care," Crowley mutters.

"I don't care," He said caringly, as he cared deeply.

Crowley was pacing in his penthouse, mumbling to himself and racking his brain for solutions that only seemed to work if he had courage. Which he didn't. At least, not for this. Anything but this.

_**when I got court, I hope that you're the verdict  
when you're around, my insides turn inverted** _

He's been in love with his best friend for 6000 years and he's still trying to find a way to tell Aziraphale without actually telling him. But he's so stupid. How can someone so brilliant be so stupid?

"I don't care he never finds out. I don't. He could never figure it out for all I care. Oh, hell, but I _do_ care," Crowley continues to pace around.

It was so ridiculous. Valentine's Day was tomorrow and Crowley still hadn't had the slightest clue on what to do or say to Aziraphale. He wasn't even sure that Aziraphale felt the same. Though, he sure hoped so. Or else it was going to get really awkward really quick.

_**my blood start to rush when I see you, darling  
i know you're nearby and I know your purpose** _

Anyways.

Crowley's offended. Offended that Aziraphale hasn't noticed his love sooner. And if he did, he didn't say anything. Which was a bigger offense in Crowley's opinion. Crowley stops pacing.

Oh Go-...Sata- _Somebody_. What if Aziraphale _did_ know about Crowley's love for him and wasn't saying anything about it? Oh Somebody! Crowley began to slightly panic. No, that can't be right, if that was the case, Aziraphale would have acted different. Maybe kept his distance from the fallen angel or bring it up while drunk at some point. Aziraphale seemed to let things slip when he was tipsy.

Crowley started up his pacing once again. Anyway, back to the original topic at hand. How to confess to the tainted saint. Or how to not confess to him, rather. This was hard, do humans really do this everytime they feel love or lust?

_**take one look at you, you're heavens incarnate  
what is this spell baby, please show some mercy** _

Crowley can try imagining the scenario, that helps sometimes in certain circumstances. Let's try....

_"Aziraphale....I love you so much that I hate you!" Crowley states._

_"I hate you so much that I love you, Crowley!" Aziraphale replies back._

_"I...That doesn't make sense and I think I should be offended, but okay."_

No, that didn't work. Let's try this...

_"Hey, Aziraphale. Can you hold my arm so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?" Crowley would smirk._

_"Crowley, do you even have friends?"_

Nope. Who knew imaginary Aziraphale was sassy? This was going to be harder than he thought. Crowley shook his head and frowned. It seemed that there was so many openings to kiss the angel as well.

Like that time when Crowley pushed Aziraphale up against the wall. Nose touching. Breath fanning his. The way Crowley could smell Aziraphale's cologne.

"Ugh."

 _**melting like an ice cream** _  
_**when you smile** _  
_**melting, you're a daydream** _  
_**stay a while** _

Crowley shook his head again, a blush adoring his cheeks. He started to pace again. This was the worst. No one had it as bad as him. No one. Okay, that was a bit of an exaggeration. But still.

And it's not like Crowley instantly fell in love with Aziraphale. When he met Aziraphale at the Eden garden, and Aziraphale told Crowley about the sword, Crowley knew he was going to like him. And over time that like grew into love. And the Apocalypse-That-Wasn't made Crowley afraid to lose Aziraphale. And he never wanted to feel that feeling again.

That's why he needed Aziraphale to know.

**_i pray that I can learn to be funny  
I am watching every stand-up comedy_ **

That's why it's can't be true. Tell Crowley he's been lied to. Crying isn't like him. Wait. He wasn't crying? Crowley touched his cheeks and made contact with something wet. Tears.

His vision began to blur. What the hell did he do to deserve this? Well he guess he's a demon. That's part of the job, ain't it?

He's been up all night thinking about what Aziraphale had told him. Crowley wished he never fell in love. Maybe he should just tell himself a good lie. He didn't mean to cry on the spot. When Aziraphale told him that he was going back to heaven, he felt like dying, well discorporating.

**_just hoping that it will rub off on me  
so you will smile at everything I say_ **

Crowley frowned as he furiously wiped his tears away. After all the time with Aziraphale he took for granted. He wished he hadn't. 6000 years wasn't enough.

Crowley can't believe he's hurting over an _angel_. And he's not even gone yet. Maybe Crowley can convince the angel to stay. Somehow.

_**you got some soft lips and some pearly whites  
I wanna touch them with the dead of night** _

Maybe if...he tells him...

_**your smile ignites just like a candlelight  
then somehow I know everything's alright** _

Crowley can't help but love Aziraphale. Even though he tries not to. Crowley can't help but want him. He knows he'll be lost without Aziraphale. _Stay with me a little longer. Please_.

_**melting like an ice cream** _   
_**when you smile**_   
_**melting, you're a daydream**_   
_**stay...**_   
_**melting**_


	2. Fire On Fire

_**My mother said I'm too romantic  
She said, "You're dancing in the movies"** _

Aziraphale smiled sadly as he walked around his bookstore for what seemed like the millionth time. He sighed. _This was for the best_. He thought. _For...the greater...good? But what good was going to come out of this_?

Gabriel had come down telling him that his work down here has finished. That there was no need for Aziraphale to stay down here on Earth. Aziraphale had faked a smile.

"Oh...that's..good!" He had said to Gabriel.

**_I almost started to believe her  
Then I saw you and I knew_ **

Aziraphale tried to keep it from his dear, er...friend, Crowley. Well, he wasn't friends with Crowley. Aziraphale didn't even like him. _You Do_ , he could hear Crowley say. Anyway, he tried to not tell Crowley, afraid of what he might say or do or react.

But then, out of nowhere, Crowley started to make _plans_ for crying out loud! Plans for the next week. For the next months. Crowley had made plans for them two. Telling Aziraphale things they could do together.

Crowley had been suggesting they go on a small vacation together! Aziraphale had almost completely forgotten about going back to heaven. Almost went along with Crowley's plans of going off together. But Aziraphale realized, he couldn't keep this from Crowley. Not from the one he loved so dearly.

So he told him.

_**Maybe it's 'cause I got a little bit older  
Maybe it's all that I've been through** _

Aziraphale and Crowley were in the bookstore after closing hours. Drinking wine and getting a bit tipsy. Crowley had a slight flush on his cheeks, his sunglasses were in his hands. It gave Aziraphale a chance to look at those beautiful eyes of his. At first they were just drinking silently, but then Crowley started to talk of his plans.

Aziraphale has never really seen Crowley cry before. Not before that day. He says that as if it happened weeks ago, when really it was just yesterday. Crowley had just been sitting there in his chair when Aziraphale told him. Crowley had this heartbroken face, tears falling. It made Aziraphale want to kiss him, kiss him and tell him that he was only joking, that he would never leave Crowley. Ever.

Aziraphale didn't get the chance to think about what to say next because the next second, Crowley was gone. He just got up and left. _This just isn't living_. Aziraphale thought. He can't leave Earth, can't leave _Crowley_. But...he'd already said "oh....good!"

_**I'd like to think it's how you lean on my shoulder  
And how I see myself with you** _

Oh! And Valentine's Day was tomorrow! Poor Crowley was going to be alone. Aziraphale had planned a little picnic for the two of them for tomorrow. But Gabriel just had to come and ruin everything.

That bugger.

His heart and soul feels so empty. His rainy days would fade away when Crowley was around. Aziraphale never knew what his was missing. What he was taking for granted. Thank Gabriel for opening Aziraphale's eyes for the first time.

_**I don't say a word** _   
_**But still, you take my breath and steal the things I know** _   
_**There you go, saving me from out of the crowd** _

Aziraphale realized he had stopped walking and was just standing in the middle of his bookstore. He looked and was distraught. Did God know what they were doing to Aziraphale? This was his punishment wasn't it? For being a terrible Angel. Aziraphale was walking carelessly over ice, and they're punishing him for it.

Oh, he felt of faint. Aziraphale looked around his store, somewhere so he could sit. His feet were starting to hurt from all the standing. His lips felt chapped and his throat felt dry. Water. He needed water. Wait, he was a celestial being, he didn't _need_ water, oh but that sounded so nice right now. He sat down on a comfy chair.

What if...oh dear. What if they just wanted Aziraphale to go back to heaven to kill him again?! No, they...they wouldn't, would they? No, of course not. He hoped not.

_**Fire on fire, would normally kill us.** _   
_**With this much desire, together, we're winners** _   
_**They say that we're out of control and some say we're sinners** _   
_**But don't let them ruin our beautiful rhythms** _

Aziraphale's breathing began to fasten a bit despite not _needing_ to breathe. And he felt light headed. His hands felt tingly and his vision began to blur with tears. Aziraphale didn't _want_ to leave Crowley. He should've demanded to stay on Earth. With _Crowley_.

Well, perhaps not say with Crowley. Then Gabriel would have known Aziraphale felt love for the demon. Aziraphale had calmed down a bit with the thought of Crowley. But it was all for naught when he remembered he won't ever see the sinner ever again. The thought that he could always visit hadn't even crossed Aziraphale's mind.

Poor Aziraphale was too busy thinking of all the worst possibilities that could come of him. _Breathe_...He had to remind himself. Aziraphale took shaky, long breaths to slow his breathing when he realized it was getting out of hand. The usual calm, cool, collective Angel had tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. He didn't want to leave.

**_'Cause when you unfold me and tell me you love me_ **   
**_And look in my eyes_ **   
**_You are perfection, my only direction_ **   
**_It's fire on fire, mm_ **   
**_It's fire on fire_ **

The smile Aziraphale gave Crowley even when he felt like discorporating was probably the hardest thing he had to do. His heart felt cold. Oh, how he wished that the things would be just as easy as they seem. Aziraphale just wants to stay. Stay in Crowley's metaphorical arms.

Of course, Aziraphale could never tell Crowley how he felt for the fear he'd fall. And besides, Crowley most likely didn't feel romantic interest in _anyone_. Aziraphale never knew that he would leave Crowley behind, ever. Never in a million years.

Aziraphale always thought that he would stay forever. They asked him to commit his life to Earth, for God's sake. Aziraphale's lost. And Crowley's hard to pin down. He'll never know if Crowley will come through to say goodbye to Aziraphale.

He needed to...rest. Aziraphale falls to many Earthly pleasures, such as eating, drinking, reading, sex (but not since he fell in love with Crowley), and such. But he was never one to sleep. But he just felt so emotionally drained. Running out of energy to stay awake right now. He went up stairs to retire and the last thought that ran through his head was....Crowley, of course.


	3. When You're Gone

**_I always needed time on my own_ **   
**_I never thought I'd_ **   
**_Need you there when I cry_ **

Okay. This was it. Aziraphale was _not_ going to leave for heaven today. For Somebody's sake, if Crowley can do something about it, he will. If Crowley has to say he loves Aziraphale dearly, he will do it!

Even if it meant tainting his reputation as a demon for loving an angel. He doesn't care anymore. He wants-no, _needs_ Aziraphale to be here. With Crowley. Forever.

Crowley dresses in his usual attire and water his plants. Of course, threatening and destroying the ones that had spots. But Crowley was so nervous, he didn't have his usual spite to it. Too anxious thinking about the Angel's reaction to his soon-to-be confession.

**_And the days feel like years when I'm alone_ **   
**_And the bed where you lie_ **   
**_Is made up on your side_ **

Crowley nods as he stares at himself in the mirror. He was looking...decent. Yeah. Or stylish. Whatever. Something was missing, though. Ah! Of course!

Crowley put on his sunglasses. His shades. Suave. He smirked. But that quickly fell. Go- _Somebody_ , he was so nervous.

Crowley wasn't one for romance, he was an old demon who was pinning after one angel for this whole time and he didn't do anything about it. Well, that's not true. He tried offering the Angel to run away together, but Aziraphale refused. Crowley let out a sigh. He was going to see Aziraphale. It was almost time before he left. And Crowley needed to stop him.

Crowley had grabbed his keys to his 1926 black Bently. He took a deep breath. This was it 

**_When you walk away_ **   
**_I count the steps that you take_ **   
**_Do you see how much I need you right now?_ **

Aziraphale can't believe this hurts more than it should. Oh, Lord. Aziraphale was cleaning up his bookstore. He was getting it ready for the new owner. It was so hard to leave this place.

Aziraphale sighed. Did he really have to go? He guessed he did. If Gabriel requested him than it must mean his work really _is_ done.

Aziraphale had a dream that when he went back to heaven, he was killed in a fire. Like last time except Crowley wasn't in his place to take the beat. Oh....Crowley.

**_I've never felt this way before_ **   
**_Everything that I do_ **   
**_Reminds me of you_ **

Aziraphale had forgotten about the demon man-child in the mist of getting the store ready for the new owner. Aziraphale felt a thousand times worse than he did just two seconds ago. The truth was, he was desperately in love with Crowley. He guessed that was obvious to those except Crowley, however.

Crowley's was so oblivious to things around him. Sort of. Crowley did consider him and Aziraphale as friends. It made Aziraphale wonder if that's all they'll ever be. Not that Aziraphale really wanted to be anything more.

He didn't want to fall for Crowley. Crowley just... _was not worth it_.

**_And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor_ **   
**_And they smell just like you_ **   
**_I love the things that you do_ **

Aziraphale tilts his head as he finished organizing a stack of books. He smiled sadly. It was time. The door to the store opened as someone entered.

"I'm terribly sorry, but we're closed at the moment," Aziraphale called out without looking to see who it was.

"Angel," A familiar voice called to him.

Aziraphale eyes widen a bit. _No_.

**_We were made for each other_ **   
**_Out here forever_ **   
**_I know we were_ **

Aziraphale walks with a flourish to the front and see his... _friend,_ Crowley.

"Cr-Crowley. Why, what a surprise!" Aziraphale spoke a bit nervously, "What are you doing here?"

"Angel, look I-ngk-whu-a-listen, Aziraphale..." Crowley had trailed off.

"Yes, Crowley?" Aziraphale smiled patiently.

"You can't go."

**_And all I ever wanted was for you to know_ **   
**_Everything I do, I give my heart and soul_ **   
**_I can hardly breathe; I need to feel you here with me_ **

Aziraphale's face looked crestfallen.

Aziraphale sighs, "Crowley, I-"

"-I-I-I _know_ that you have to, b-but maybe-maybe you can tell them you changed your mind! You can tell them...oh! Tell them that Adam demands your stay!" Crowley cuts him off with a suggestion.

"Tell them that you just don't want to go! They'll understand, right?" Crowley continues.

"Crowley! I can't stay!" Aziraphale frowns.

 _What are you doing? Tell him you love him_! They thought.

**_When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missin' you_ **

"Aziraphale-Angel! Work with me here, okay? I just-you-you can't go! You just can't!" Crowley sounded desperate.

_Please! Don't leave me, please!_

Aziraphale sighed, "I have to. Crowley."

**_When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missin', too_ **

Aziraphale walks around Crowley and heads for the door.

"Ange-AZIRAPHALE!" Crowley shouts, tears threatening to leave his eyes.

Aziraphale stops at the door. He turns to Crowley.

**_When you're gone_ **   
**_The words I need to hear_ **   
**_Will always get me through the day_ **

"I....I love you! Okay? I love you with all of my fucked up, piece of shit heart!" Crowley looked distraught, "And I just have this feeling that you love me back!"

_So please, don't go, because..._

"I love you..." Crowley repeats.

**_And make it okay_ **

Aziraphale's heart was beating so fast. _Crowley ...loves me? Say you love him back! Run to him, Aziraphale! Tell him you love him too-_

Aziraphale didn't smile, "Goodbye, Crowley."

Aziraphale leaves the store. The door closes and Crowley was left there alone. He felt the tears fall as he ran to the doors. He can still make it! He can still get Aziraphale and tell him to stay! At least say I love you one last time...!

Crowley opened the doors and looked around at the street. Aziraphale was no where in sight. He was gone.

_**I miss you** _


End file.
